How does one influence another, to the point of getting them to do something I want them to do?
This isn't a question we explicitly ask ourselves super often, but is an underlying motivator for the majority of our actions.
I want my mom to stop calling me! So what can I do? I want my boss to give me a raise! How can I achieve that?
So many of the things we want in life are dependent on other people, so it's natural that we want to influence them.

Now, when it comes to me, how can YOU influence ME to do something?

Talking about my past, I used to very much be a people pleaser and if you showed any sign of disappointment or disapproval,
you could see me get off of my couch and get to action immediately. I was just that eager to please you.
My wife would ask me five times in her "nice" voice to clean up after myself after I shower,
but only when she starts to show her disappointment would I get to action.

A few years ago I realized this is a much more common pattern than I thought. I thought only I was like this!
But thanks to my job as a life coach and working with people, I came to see that this impacts a lot of people.
Now with social media it's gotten so much easier to find people with similar unconscious tendencies as mine.
This in turn makes it easier for me to feel accepted, like I'm not some emotional freak.

Anyhow, let's go back to influencing behavior. We generally live under the assumption that everyone thinks like us.
So, if I have something I want you do, what's something I could do?
Suppose I want you to sign up for coaching with me. In this really weird example, I could do something like this:
"I'm disappointed that you haven't signed up for coaching with me."
Now, as a service provider that sounds ridiculous for me to do. But the thing is, if I received an email like that...
I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be pretty enticing to react to it.

But that's not how the rest of the world necessarily operates, and the more and more of these emails I write,
expressing my disdain, disappointment with you, the more I'm going to feel those emotions myself.
So in the long term, this becomes a very taxing way to get other people involved in the direction I want.

I have a business coaching program with a handful of dedicated members who participate in it.
The members love being in the program and they have a great time when in the monthly experiences or calls.
But there are times when they don't stay up to date with how the program is going, because they have their lives to live.

I've gotten to see over time that no matter how great an experience I provide them with,
how much they would benefit from it,
how much I want them to participate in it,
there are genuinely times when they don't have the mental bandwidth to get updates from me and participate in it.

This is perhaps the greatest resource I've gotten from my members.
When they don't respond, when they don't participate, it's not because I didn't communicate the news in the most impactful,
guaranteed 100% reception rate method. Regardless of HOW I communicate the GREAT news I have for them,
sometimes they, with their best intentions, don't have room for what I have to offer them.
So I just update them again, and again, and again, and again, and again.
Then they get some bandwidth back and they're so happy to start hopping on again!

Over repeated experiences like this, I've gotten a sense of how many times a message needs to be communicated.
It's like this. The most difficult exercises tend to be exercises where you don't know the end of the rep is.
When I was in military boot camp we had an extended marching training. So we walked on and on and on and on.
But as new recruits we have no idea when the marching ends. It's so physically taxing and tiring, but we keep walking on and on.
That initial march is so difficult. Strangely, the second time we go on that route it's really not that hard at all.
The difference is like night and day.

Now, if I'm to communicate and teach to you how many times I need to tell you to do something for you to do something,
I have a FEELING of it, I have a sense of it I developed over time with real experiences.
But because I can't quite pinpoint the exact number of reps, the best advice I can give you is: "keep going".
It works, that phrase is true but it's such a big contraction of ALL the things I said above.
You have to keep going to find out and develop that inner sense yourself.
Then you get a more accurate measure of the reps needed to do something.

The greater point of this email is this. I have a seminar on Saturday at 8AM Pacific time on timelines of your life.
It's a free seminar open to anyone and I'd love for you to join. You can register here.
Because in the seminar we're going to talk about your future timeline. Where you have the future you want for your life.
Then to REALIZE, MATERIALIZE that future you're going to have to put in some reps.
How many reps? You can't know until you get that sense, that feel of moving your life.
So the advice will be, "keep going". Until you do.
Since I'll be saying more often in the future, I wanted to contextualize that phrase in this email.