Peter Parker's uncle Ben Parker famously said: "With great power comes great responsibility". Peter had to learn this lesson the hard way, but what is it that he actually learned? What does it mean to truly be responsible for something?
Before we get into that, I want to tell you a little bit about why I think responsibility is important. We all like energy, right? We don't like it when we feel tired, we like it when we're energized. In fact I'd even argue that most people don't move forward with their goals in life because they're too tired.
How does one improve energy and stamina? I think it has two do with developing in two dimensions.
- Using your energy in a more efficient way
- Growing the actual energy tank's size
To develop your efficiency, you teach your body how to move near your depletion. This is what you might call "training until failure". In the sport I train, jiujitsu, we have a saying: "your jiujitsu improves when you're too tired, because then you stop using strength and rely on technique". After repeated instances of exercise near your depletion, you naturally improve your efficiency in the same movements.
To develop your muscular capacity, you train your body beyond your previous maximum. This is basically how weight training works. Cardio also improves in the same way, you go beyond your previous maximum and continue developing with scale.
So all of that is about the body. But what about the mind? In the case of efficiency, the same development technique works. If you've never meditated before, meditating 10 minutes will be extremely challenging. At around the 8-9 minute mark, your mind will want to wander and explode. But that is precisely the time your focus and mindfulness can actually grow.
Then what about the mental capacity? Since the brain is not an organ we can grow by lifting, I found the best way to grow the mind's capacity is to take on responsibility. Start taking on new responsibilities in your life. Try being the lead for a project at work. Try being your friend group's event planner. Try being your home's recycling czar. These are all responsibilities that can help your mind grow it's capacity.
Now that we covered why responsibility is important, let's discuss how we actually become responsible for something. When we take responsibility for something, I think there are two dimensions to it:
- Taking command of FUTURE events
- Accounting for actions that sum up to current result
Let's use one of the previous examples to see how this will play out in real life.
Suppose you're going to be your home's recycling czar. Taking command of future events means you're going to stop buying products that aren't recyclable and purchase more products that are either recycled or recyclable. You're going to look up sustainability events in your area and take your family there. You're going to befriend the people at your recycling center and get more tips about how to be more sustainable at home.
What about accounting? Let's say you notice that a lot of your recyclable waste is ending up in the general trash bin. If you're not taking responsibility, you may let this one slide and say "ah well, at least I recycled". But taking responsibility means being curious about WHY the recyclable trash ended up there.
Was it because there wasn't enough communication? Was it because I didn't follow through until the actual day of trash pickup? Did my family members misunderstand this to be general trash because they don't know where to look for recyclable? These questions either verify what's working in your new responsibility or it highlights areas you didn't know to notice.
This is different from being a martyr. The point isn't to carry the heavy burden to be the sacrificial person who does everything for the sake of everyone else. "Oh, you threw it away in the general trash bin because you didn't know? Guess I fucking suck at communicating to you guys!" <- this kind of attitude doesn't help anyone and it has nothing to do with responsibility. The easy way to tell if you're doing it "right" is, responsibility can always be taken without suffering.
If you're feeling pressure or stress with the responsibility, you may be adding additional burden to yourself aside from the responsibility. But that's not all bad, since learning how to manage stress and unload your burdens can be a valuable lesson you can teach yourself. Regardless of how it can play out in your life, I encourage you to take this and try it out for yourself.
Billy Seol
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July Life Coach
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