When my mom wouldn’t pick up her phone, my first instinctive inquiry would be: is she dead? When my wife wouldn’t message me after she was supposed to arrive at her work, my first instinctive inquiry would be: is she dead?
The strange thing is, I’ve never had this premonition realize in my life. When my paternal grandma passed I got the news from my dad super unexpectedly, so I never had to wonder if she was dead. Same with my maternal grandma and grandpa. But for some reason I wonder when people aren’t available, “are they dead?”.
I’ve been in Seattle for the past two weeks for a series of Buddhist trainings. The first one was me participating in a group training where we explored the heart together, and the second one was me preparing food for a group of people going through a training. One passive, introspective training and one active, creative training. Both focused and centered on the heart.
The heart is an interesting word; it has to do with feelings, it’s also an organ, but it also means something central or vital. As I saw myself, as I saw myself deeper and deeper simply by intentionally asking: “what am I feeling right now?”, I saw the biggest premise underlying it all: I am alive.
Without life I cannot feel anything. The more I feel, the more alive I feel. The more alive I feel, the more I am in absolute awe at every little condition that is required to keep this engine of life going. Life is a miracle and being alive itself is a perfect reason to be happy.
Throughout the training I’ve also worked a lot with death. Many of my peers in the training processed their grief together. Grief from the passing of their parents, their spouses, their old self… Death is always around us as much as life is around us. Even when I’m cooking I realize that every dish I make is a byproduct of death which ironically supplies life.
With this newfound sense of life I report to you today with a simple message: I’m alive. My heart is beating, all my organs are progressing linearly through time, and I’m thinking of all of you. Turning my phone and computer on after spending weeks off line, it’s so great to be able to talk to you again.
I’m heading back home this week and I’ll write more about my learnings in the upcoming writings. But for now, I hope you are finding life in your day and I also hope that you share with me how you are feeling.
Billy Seol
July Life Coach
julylifecoach.com
