Changing Inner Geolocation

We, as humans, live in our heads. It's very challenging for us to see from outside of our perspective. This is why we enjoy conforming content and get into arguments with people.

Excluding criminal activities, most conflicts we experience tend to come from perspective differences and the internet has made it even easier for us to consistently consume things we agree with and get angry about things we don't agree with.

As international citizens growing up in one culture and living in another, we get to learn firsthand how to adapt to a different set of belief systems. This can be seen as an advantage over people who grew up and lived in one culture exclusively, as your horizon is wider.

But something that is responsible for a lot of people's grief and sorrow, especially in their later adult life, is never having the internal value system you grew up with adapt to where you live.

I'll take Korean, a subset of Asian culture, as an example. We are raised to value humility. When we do something well, we don't boast about it. When we're very skilled at something, we don't say we're good at it. When other people show off, we talk behind their backs about how they're so full of pride.

This works well in Korean culture because everybody operates with the same value system. The people who stand out are likely to be isolated and cast out as an outlier.

The people who conform best, while also playing the subtle political game, tend to rise up in the ranks but since rising already makes you stand out... Many people like to play it safe, which is why federal employees were once the most popular job option for Koreans.

But many Koreans come abroad to the U.S. or Canada and struggle with getting promoted or recognized. Why? Because in the North American culture, it's important to be outspoken about your achievements and be visible. While humility is seen as a virtue, it is not something that carries the same weight as humility in Asia.

Not getting promoted is one thing, but the bigger problem is: judging the people around you. When you don't update your internal value system of humility, everyone you see will seem so arrogant, individualistic, and full of ego.

Don't get me wrong, some people ARE all of those things. But when you're wearing arrogant-colored glasses, everything will seem arrogant and this will make your life miserable. Why? Because how can you not when you're surrounded by people you judge?

Value systems are contextual to culture. The nice thing is, you already know what it's like to adapt and assimilate to a different culture. Now, it may be time to take that to the next step and do the assimilation work for your internal value system.

This has the potential to be mistaken for: abandon your existing value system and force yourself to live with the new. That is not what I am advocating for.

What I am saying is, we need to be able to have the flexibility of mind to see that value systems are relative so that we have the power to pick and choose the best value systems that fit our purposes of life.

An easy way to get started: think of the people around you, especially the ones you dislike and judge. Why do you dislike them? Check if the reasons have to do with your internal value system you grew up with.

Billy Seol

July Life Coach
julylifecoach.com