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Sep 25 • 3 min read

Reverse Romano Tours


There's a SNL skit I reference over and over, and it's called Romano Tours.

video preview​

Basically, Adam Sandler invites you to experience Italy through Romano Tours but warns the tourists:

if you're sad where you are, then you get on a plane to Italy, the you in Italy will be the same sad you from before. Just in a new place.

The skit is so relatable and funny I mention it all the time during my sessions and in my YouTube videos.
Today I'm here to talk about something opposite of Romano Tours: being a different person where you are.

People hire me as their life coach because they want to change as a human being.
The more they tried and failed to change things outside of them, the more success they have with me in changing themselves.
And this kind of a personal change comes in all shapes and forms. I'll introduce you to some cases.

One client had a grand realization that shattered their worldview in one session.
They came into the session full of complaints about their spouse.
How the spouse never does anything in the house, how they never take accountability of their words, and so on.
The more my client talked, the more I noticed a particular pattern of speech and facial gestures repeat itself.

I asked my client, "Do you notice how when you say the word "NOTHING" you have a tone and a gesture that comes with it?"
And it was a simple question I asked to invite them to check in with their body as they go through their inner experiences.
Mostly out of my curiosity, too: why does the left tip of the mouth move that way? What do the eyebrows want to express with that movement?
Unexpectedly, my client's face went almost pale: "Oh my god, I'm becoming my dad."

My client had a very rough relationship with their father, through emotional unavailability and domestic violence.
They spent their entire childhood and early adulthood trying to escape the shadows cast by the ominous presence of their father.
Because they had antagonized that presence so much, the deep recognition that they are becoming it was enough to rattle their system.

After that day, my client's life changed but it was still the same life.
They didn't get divorced, they didn't come up with an ultimatum.
The spouse remained the same person, and all the chores remained the same.

The familiar anger that came from undone chores turned into excitement at an opportunity to do something together.
Broken promises from the spouse that used to trigger disappointment turned into freedom on deciding what they could do instead.

Not all changes are instantaneous like this, as not all "problems" are ready to graduate from your life all the time.
As clients work with me month after month, they feel like nothing is changing.
Why? Because all the circumstances around them are mostly the same. Same work, same home, same commute.
Same morning fatigue, same restaurants around them, same day of the week.

Another client of mine, I remember one interaction with them because of how giddy they looked coming into the session.
"You look like you got some great news?", I asked. They were surprised, because their day was pretty ordinary.
"Oh nothing really happened, I just clocked out of work and work was pretty okay. I guess I'm just not that tired as usual?"
This got me curious and I asked them what usually drains them during work. Is it the physical fatigue? Social battery?
My client replied, "Well you know I'm a people pleaser so it's usually draining to talk to people all day...
But now that you mention it, today I didn't really feel like I needed to go the extra mile in my meetings or chats."

Just like how a shirt gradually wets itself on a humid summer day in Miami, my client was slowly changing.
Changing without them even registering it as change, that slow; and because of that pace, it never feels like work.
They don't go out of their way to actually APPLY what they learned about themselves during the coaching session.
They just let the coaching seep in, week after week in our conversations, and life gently changes in a happier way.

Give yourself ONE HOUR a week, the same time every week.
And in that hour, focus on one thing and one thing only: YOU.
Not your money, not your family, not your chores, not your work, not your career, not your rent, not your car,
but the one thing that it all centers around: you.

Let's do the work. Start the first hour by signing up for your first session here.


Free from your scars, pain, and hurt, who are you? Experience it with me and create it yourself. Make your life make sense.


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