Here are some facts of life.
- Regardless of what I do, some things outside of my control will happen.
- There are many things in life that depend on other people.
- Some things in life will happen because I create the opportunity for others to reciprocate. Other times life will happen because I reciprocate opportunities created by others.
- Results cannot happen without the preconditions but preconditions do not dictate results.
This is how things happen in this universe regardless of whether we participate in the events or not. A bee is pollinating a flower but the winds are making it tricky for the bee to land. Regardless of how much the bee tries, the bee cannot stop an incoming storm. For a flower to pollinate the bee must help, for a bee to get nectar flowers must exist. But just because the bee visited a bunch of flowers it doesn’t mean all of them will pollinate. Not all pollinated flowers will successfully bloom again. Not all bees who got the nectar will make it back to the hive. A field full of flowers and a honeycomb full of honey is nothing short of a sequence of miraculous events.
Like the above facts say, it is possible for other people to come and engage in our lives and make all the differences. The really nice benefit of this is: we don’t have to do anything. This comes in especially handy when we are in a situation where we can’t really apply ourselves. For example, if you have an acute injury that happened out of nowhere and you cannot work, winning the lottery would be extra amazing.
We unfortunately forget (quite frequently) that just because we try and create the opportunity, doesn’t mean that we are going to get guaranteed results. Societal systems and mutual promises help to further advance this illusion that certain things are granted and guaranteed. For example if I pay for the groceries, isn’t it mine? But what happens when I get mugged right outside of the grocery store, now whose grocery is it? I feel angry and upset because I feel like something of mine was stolen, but just because I bought the thing it doesn’t guarantee that it will be mine. The chances of it being mine become very high though.
Because of this misunderstanding we engage in life but we tire ourselves out by constantly expecting an output as if it was guaranteed. When my wife tells me to not fold the socks when I put it inside the laundry basket, it would be nice if it stuck to my brain but I often times find that it doesn’t stick. Sorry Claire!
There’s a neighbor in my area who doesn’t pick up dog poop. I could remind them over and over to pick up the dog poop, but just like how I can’t for the life of me unfold the socks before putting it in to the laundry basket, they can’t for the life of them pick up the dog poop. Then am I out of options? Is there no way for me to live in an area free of dog poop?
Thankfully I have power over whether I get to live in a dog poop area or a dog poop free area. All I have to do is pick up the dog poop myself. Would it be ideal if they picked up their poop? Of course, but I can’t rely on them to make me live in a dog poop free area. That is on me.
We frequently define our success so it depends on other people. There’s no problem with having these definitions of success, you’re free to have them as you want. But the experience of life tends to be more pleasant when we get the feeling of architecting our own experience. What is depression if not a learned helplessness against my own life?
When I do something I want to make sure the success depends on me. I can’t make it a goal to get a gold medal in my jiu jitsu tournament, that doesn’t solely depend on me. I could make it a goal to compete 10 times in the next year, because that’s what gold medalists typically tend to do. I can’t make it a goal to have 50 people in my next workshop, that doesn’t solely depend on me. I could make it a goal to invite 50 people in a conversation and post about it 50 times, with the estimate that one post can convince one person.
This will give me some kind of an intelligent data I can use for the future. Hmm, in a competition pool of x people training and entering in 10 competitions gave me a win rate of y%. Based on my wins and losses my strength and weaknesses tend to be abc. I can wonder what happens when I increase my competition rate, I can explore what happens when I work on my weaknesses.
Out of the 50 people I invite x people may come. What did these x people have in common? What did the 50-x people have in common? Did I make sure the message was the same in every communication? With the 50 posts, did I make sure to include my intentions to invite people to the workshop? Let’s review them.
As you can see, when success solely depends on me it gives me so much power on how I want to take my life. My results let me know where I am, my goals let me know how close I am to goals, what I do lets me define how I’m going to get to my goals. If I know those three, I can get anywhere I want to.
When you make your success about you, you’ll remove a lot of weight from your shoulders. Turns out that really helps with external success as well.
Tomorrow! I have my event at Valley Hot Yoga (21015 Oxnard St, Woodland Hills, CA 91367). I’ll see you at 3PM, and my definition of success here is: even if nobody comes in person, I’m going to go live and teach you what I intended to. I’m going to help you learn the mechanics of action and inaction and give you a short-term, long-term solution for procrastination. See you tomorrow!
