Today I went to pick up some Indonesian food. In my neighborhood there is an Indonesian Christian community and they do a biweekly fundraiser where they work with a bunch of Indonesian restaurants and catering businesses to hook people up with some great food.
I didn’t know anything about Indonesian food, my wife actually had it first with her Indonesian friend. She came home that day and told me, “you know, Indonesians eat rice with like… You know the Korean shrimp chip snacks? They eat it with those shrimp chips”. I was very confused but I’m generally open to new cuisines so I had no hesitation in trying it for the first time. Since then I’ve been hooked.
Anyway, it’s been years since that day and we’ve been regularly eating Indonesian food thanks to this fundraiser. By the way, Indonesian food is amazingly good and I would even dare to say that it’s much, much better than Korean food. You should definitely give it a try. Double anyway after a by the way, today I noticed something about myself as I was picking up the food.
I usually go with my wife to pick it up because the order is always under my wife’s name. Today I went alone and perhaps that gave me more awareness than usual. There was a bit of a line and I found myself getting impatient. Regardless of whether I act out on the impatience or not, it’s always interesting to find that the heart will present these things for no reason.
In truth there is no reason for me to be impatient and then angry in that order. I’ve gotten to the point where I can feel impatient but it has no effect on me because I know it’s a silly thing that the heart does based on how I have lived my life in the past. I know though, there was definitely a point in my life where I was impatient then angry.
My wife always makes fun of me for all the times I was hangry. I was a big hangry guy. I would feel okay with hunger and then all of a sudden get very hungry, and at that point I would get very cranky unless I got some food in my mouth. It’s common knowledge that you normally have to wait in line for popular restaurants, and given the human greed it’s common to have a pretty empty stomach before a future good meal so I got very very fussy in line, enough times for my wife to notice it and make fun of me.
Why do I get hangry? It sounds so ridiculous but it’s because I, the lord of everything, am hungry and you lowlife denizens are carrying on while this great inconvenience is being caused open me. I demand to be fed right now, this instant! But what about hunger needs to inspire anger? Can’t I be hungry without being angry, if I can be angry without being hungry? Yes, I can.
So that’s hangry, but what about impatience itself? There is a line, and things are moving a bit slowly. Why does that need to make me angry? It is important to not resort to “well I guess I have no reason” in this kind of a process; we must actually ask ourselves why we are engaging in this kind of a behavior.
“Well, shouldn’t people work faster? I can see that they’re not working optimally.”
“But what if that is the maximum capacity they can work, regardless of how you view it? They’ve been here for hours sorting and accounting for the food, you just arrived here to pick up your order.”
“Then at least the line should be more well formed.”
“This is a different culture; this isn’t an American event, this is an Indonesian event. Most of the ladies here don’t even speak English. The other Indonesians in line have no problem, but you seem to have a problem: so it’s not a line or efficiency thing, it’s a you thing.”
“So why do I make this a problem then? I can clearly see that I’m still pissed off.”
“You have all the right to be pissed off, it’s your free will. But do not mistake it for the world giving you a reason to be pissed off. But Billy, tell me: why are you pissed off?”
“Well, I guess I just see more potential output from here; it feels like they’re missing out on a lot of time savings because their operations aren’t ideal.”
“According to who?”
“Fuck. Me.”
“Are you still pissed off?”
“No.”
Just like how this exchange shows, the dharma is the light. We suffer in a dark cave, for how long? Years, maybe decades or even longer than that. But the moment light shines: it takes one instant for the entire to light up.